Inspirations
Written by Jen
Nevergole
Instead of continuing to write newsletters, I have decided to change the format of this page
and share my own inspirations, reflections and thoughts that are coming from my present experiences. The content may
not seem very different from the newsletters, but somehow changing the title of it has given me a little more freedom in expression.
Some of my experiences may resonate with you, some may not. I continue to share in hopes of learning something about
myself and tapping into the interconnectedness that runs through us all as beings in this universe.
My
first venture into this new realm is inspired by two big events that took place in my life this summer. Both of them
provided learning opportunities and moments of reflection and gratitude. At the end of May I finished my Masters in
Religious Studies and then got married. Both experiences offered me growth, inspiration and awareness of my own mind
and heart. It's hard to speak about what my wedding actually meant to me because it is so deeply personal and a shared experience
between so many people, most importantly me and my husband. I can say that it truly felt like a magical moment in time
that was buoyed by light, love and the presence of goodness. There were moments when I was really able to let go, open
up and let in. During those moments I was filled with such calm, peace and joy. I felt connected to something
larger than myself. I felt connected to everyone that was there in both body and spirit, who were holding the space
for us to communicate our love and our commitment to each other. I think it is also hard to speak about in more concrete
terms because it really wasn't just one moment in time. The whole wedding experience held past, present and future all
together. The marriage consists of all that came before and all that is to come. It exists in every moment that
we cultivate ourselves on the path of being more loving, compassionate and wise beings for each other and for the world at
large. Each moment of my life together with my husband is a marriage ceremony; it is the continual re-commitment of
ourselves to each other and to our individual and collective journeys together. I feel blessed by the love that was
bestowed upon both of us throughout that weekend and in our lives. To stand in that radiating love and attempt to open
up and receive it was a humbling and uplifting experience for me.
I can speak much more directly
about my experience with graduating from my Religious Studies masters program. In finishing my
degree, I had to wrestle with my own attachment to what I thought was important and what I believed defined me. I had
attached myself to that degree, to being successful in its completion, to getting all A's and to being recognized for doing
good work. These are not bad things in and of themselves, but they are also not what makes me WHO I am. In fact,
the moment I confused those accomplishments with the definition and worth of who I was, I experienced stress, self-doubt,
anxiety, irritability, anger and sadness. All of those accomplishments are impermanent and changing and based upon numerous
causes, conditions and subjective opinions and experiences. In attaching myself to them, I was opening myself up to experiencing
constant unsettledness. By attaching my own sense of Self to something that I believed was solid and permanent, but
that was really not, my sense of Self got jerked around, tossed upside down and eventually disappointed and disillusioned.
When I got all of the things I thought I wanted to accomplish, there was still a sense of loss and sadness because I had believed
that those recognitions would affirm my sense of Self, when in reality my true nature and true Self do not depend upon getting
an A or having a masters at all. I am slowly coming to this realization.
For me, it is academic success to which I was attaching my sense of worth; for someone else it might be the amount
of money they make, or how much they weigh, what others say about them, or how full their social calendar is. However
it plays out for each of us, there is bound to be some measuring stick outside of ourselves to which we tie our own sense
of self worth. It's a precarious practice because those things will change without our control or help. The stock
market will go down; our metabolism will slow down; other people won't like us or won't include us in their reindeer games.
We won't benefit from believing our sense of Self is dependent upon something outside of us. In fact, we have probably already experienced the disappointment, anxiety, depression and confusion that comes from basing WHO we
are on something outside of ourselves. I know that I have. And I also know, that I will probably do it again. For me, it's a constant practice of checking in with my own feelings, devoid of self-inflicted academic pressures
to be "the best." In a space of loving presence and self-awareness, I try to ask myself what is truly important
to me and how can I hold that at my heart and let it lead my actions. For me in this moment, it might just be making
the choice to get a "B" in a class and having the realization that the world doesn't fall apart, that my friends
and family don't stop loving me and that I survive in tact and still a loving, compassionate and wise being. What a
radical concept! I invite you to join the experiment of radical acceptance of who you are without the attachments of
outside accomplishments, successes and expectations. This is not to say that you should not celebrate your accomplishments
or strive to be successful in your life. Just hold the truth somewhere inside you that those things are impermanent
and do not in fact define who you are in the truest expression of your Self.
Thank you and be
well.
"Waking this morning, I smile,
A brand-new day is before me.
I aspire to live each moment
mindfully,
And to look upon all beings
With the eyes of kindness and compassion.
May you, and all other beings, be
happy and free from suffering."
- From and article by Bonnie Myotai Treace in Tricycle Magazine